I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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