Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
