You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
