Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
even my farts smell like vagina
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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