I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
