oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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