you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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