Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Randomize
