piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
