and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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