Have you finally orgasmed yet?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
