At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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