Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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