I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
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His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
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So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
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