real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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