Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
