well you can't waste a boner
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
