It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
