u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
