I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Someone came in the potted fern
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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