forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
