I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
We are all done wearing pants today
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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