so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
