Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
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Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
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Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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