also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
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