Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
