I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
