he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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