so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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