I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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