I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
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