Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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