Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
