My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
