Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
