I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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