Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
