I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
