once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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