if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
