sorry about calling you the devil all night.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
