The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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