Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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