He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Randomize
