barbara walters just said penis...
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize