Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
