so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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