Where is the hickey?
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
