what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
