See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
