News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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