Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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