This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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