Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
