Small penises have feelings too.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
