We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
