This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
