I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
