No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i will never coherently bang her
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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