i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
