From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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