He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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