thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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