the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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