It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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