I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
