but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
