I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
