i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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