I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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