Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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