I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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