I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
