I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
